I was going to be the best mom ever. I was never going to make mistakes. Its interesting how life teaches us that we are not always in control. Our children are given to us for a short time. It's wise to use that time wisely. Did I do everything well? No, I did not. Have I made mistakes? Yes, many of them. I am sorry for that. I did the best I could with the knowledge I had at the time. We all come to parenthood with the same resume. No experience. Each child is different, they have their own personality and responses. They each get their own life situations that begin to shape who they are and who and what they become.
We knew that before we came to this earth, that we would have choices to make. We knew that we would make mistakes. We would be dealing with all kinds of opposition, pain, sorrow, guilt, sin, health issues and you name it. We were still excited to come and experience this life and prove to our Heavenly Father that we were worthy to be in his presence after this life. No matter how often I weed my garden, the next day I can find more weeds. Do I hate my garden? No, I want to tend it lovingly and remove the weeds so that the flowers can live in a healthy enviroment . We need to do this in our lives as well. Recognize that we are not perfect and remove the imperfections ( if possible)so that our spirits can dwell in a healthy body. Some imperfections require additional assistance. Such as medicine or sometimes counceling. First we have to recognize that there is a problem. We cannot fix someone else. We can only work on our own selves.
I still remember when I learned about the power of forgivness. We had just moved here from Texas. I felt that a certian person was at fault for some pretty tramatic situations that we found ourselves in. I had no control over it . First of all we left in the middle of the night and came here leaving a home that we had purchased. We had no job and still had 5 children and a dog living with us. Without going into detail about what happened to cause this I will tell you what happened to me. I spent my time reading the scriptures and listening to good music. I surrounded myself with positive things because I felt like I was about to be consumed. I was filled with righteous anger. I felt I was justified in feeling this anger. I still remember praying about it to Heavenly Father saying things like. Please take care of this other person that has caused our family such distress. I didn't think I had to do anything else. A very loving Heavenly Father taught me different. I had a dream. I still can recall it like it was yesterday. Heavenly Father was standing next to me. The person that had offended me was also with us. I had my arms folded in front like OK Heavenly Father will tell him and punish him and I will be on the front row watching and finally justice will prevail. I was anxiously awaiting the feeling of justification that was to come to me by watching him being punished by Heavenly Father. Suddenly I looked into the face of that person who was crumpled and crying. He was in such misery I was suddenly ashamed of myself for wanting to see something like that. From that moment on I was a different person. I could forgive him for what he had done. I apologized to him for wanting to see him in such misery (in my dream) .
I learned that day the power of forgivness. I know that we will be forgiven for our short comings if we are willing to forgive others theirs. A sweet peace came over me and I began to live without the canker of hate and anger that eats away at the soul. Satan is very powerful and he knows our weakness also. We get to choose whom we will serve. I promise peace comes when we apply the principles taught in the Miracle of Forgiveness and by living the Gospel.
After seeing Michelles blog about wanting justice, it reminded me of my experience. I wish I could help her to know what I know. I wish I could go back and have a do over. I wish Michelle knew how much everyone in this family loves her and misses her and Chris and the kids. I wish I could tell her that it is her that left the family. We did not leave her. I wish she knew that I don't sit around and talk bad about her. I keep hoping a miracle will happen and she will learn to forgive.
What would justice look like to her? I don't know for sure. I can only guess that she wants me destroyed. At least it feels like it. It has been a very long journey since that awful day. I don't love Michelle less, I want to see my grandchildren every single day. No one can take their place in my heart. 2 years is a long time in a childs life. What will they remember about me and grandpa? Will they know how much we love them? Whatever happened that awful day has long since been paid for. The loss of 3 grandchildren is great. Nothing will ever bring that time back. What a waste of precious precious time lost forever. Can we go on? I believe we can over come anything if we want to. I don't believe hashing up old dirt will help anyone. I do believe we can make things better if we want to. The Savior died for both of us Michelle. When you get tired of carrying the burden yourself, ask Heavenly Father for assistance. You will feel peace again in your life. You will once again feel the love and support of your entire family. We are here waiting with open arms.
Rick and I had an amazing week this week. We were host to 2 thirteen year old girls from Uganda. It filled a hole in my life being an empty nester and it served some children that had nothing. They were so polite and repectful. My responsibility was to feed them breakfast pack a lunch for them to eat during the day and then pick them up at 5:00 p.m. and then feed them dinner. They were to go to bed at 9:00 to be ready for the next day. They performed at a Methodist church on Friday and then went to Park City to have another family host them.
I loved it! They called me Mum. They helped me to know what they could eat for lunch and breakfast. I was going to fix pancakes and Shanice. one of my girls said no thanks, can we have rice? We ended up having scrambled eggs and juice with toast. I want to share some of the pictures we took while they were here. My other girls name was Josephine. I told them when they left to remember where their room is.
Friday I had 5 girls and we had a movie marathon night. We watched 27 dresses and Freaky Friday. I went to bed at 3:30 a.m. I think they finally went to bed at 4:30 a.m. Rick was a good sport and asked them if they wanted to go to bed. One said no, "This is a slumber party" . They loved pizza and it was fun to watch the movies with them and watch their faces. These were children who were starving before they came here and had no parents. What a great pleasure it was to serve them. They said thank you all the time. I loved every minute.
They are so cute!! Welcome to the family Shanice and Josephine. We love you. Thanks for the visit.
Well, maybe I've talked so much it won't let me post the pictures. I'll post this and then try again Sorry